From Chaos to Clarity: Choosing My Adventure (part 1)

I’ve started over so many times that I am losing count. My most significant adult restart came following my divorce at 28 years old. I lost almost everything besides what I could carry to my car in a hurry. The rest was sorted over a mediation between attorneys leaving me with nothing more than what I purchased before our marriage and just enough funds to cover legal fees.

I will always cherish the moments of rebuilding my home again. I bought blush pink everything for my bedroom because I didn’t have to account for a man’s presence in my life. Everything else was my usual style of neutrals and mid-century modern furniture that I could keep indefinitely. As I settled into a renewed sense of peace at home, I became less attached to the material items around me. I became comfortable with how life would be if I ever needed, or wanted, to start over again. 

During the pandemic, I felt trapped in Dallas. My apartment view was a third-story street corner, eye level to the electrical lines. The two-way stop caused commotion of accidents nearly weekly. It was always jarring to wake up to a crash and then the shouting that would accompany an irate driver who was t-boned at the intersection. I became irritable without much access to nature, and the nearest mountain range was a ten-hour drive away.

I was envious of watching friends get to work remotely and have control of their environment at a time when no one had much control at all. So I thought to myself, why can’t I have that too? I asked questions daily about my barriers and inquired about potential opportunities that would create the ability to have that type of control over my life. I started taking inventory of life as it existed and what I wanted out of my day-to-day. Beyond that, I considered the next steps towards a larger goal by leveraging my current educational background and skillset. This would allow me to take control of my career while helping solve real problems in a post-pandemic world.

In 2021, I applied for graduate school. The length of the part-time program would be the timeline allotted to change the narrative of my life to leave a place that was never meant for me.